I'm getting serious on you. Don't fret. I love posting food and babies and Dior sunglasses (haven't posted that yet actually but was drooling over some this morning so I'm sure their day will come) AND life is sometimes full of the stuff of big emotion and disappointing news and it hurts. I had one of those on Wednesday and my week was kind of rocked from it---lots of feelings and fears coming up which alternately makes me want to solve everything as fast as possible by juice fasting and getting 5 new therapists one minute, and say screw it, drink a bottle of wine and eat a chocolate cake the next. The good news is I did neither.
I decided to write about this because I felt really lonely. I have a.ma.zing friends and an extraordinary husband, and still I felt out to sea on a raft with no land in sight by myself with potential sharks and giant squids in the water. But of course when I talked about it I found I was anything but alone. As much as it might feel it in the moment, no one of us is ever the only one to feel tremendous fear, sadness, panic, anger, whatever. I can convince myself my story is unique and maybe the circumstances are, but the underlying themes are just what it is to be human sometimes. And it's silly to think "no one's ever felt it as much as me". Oh yes they have. Which is a good thing because you can get love and support and maybe someone else's helpful experience. Talk about it so it's not a secret. Don't freak out about the freak out . Please please for your heart's sake don't treat the scary feelings as bad or shameful or inappropriate. That's never good. Fear is part of the deal. Sadness is part of the deal. They happen to us people sometimes.
This week I've been reminded that friends want to hear about this stuff and want to support. Husbands (mine anyway) really doesn't like it if I pretend it's sunny in my neighborhood when it's thunderstorming. He has like 20 umbrellas in the car he picked out just for me and I'm standing there wet and miserable saying "What rain?" (Go ahead and sing the Rhianna song. I am.)
As I've talked my feelings they've changed. Surprise! What felt like paralyzing grief and fear a couple of days ago now feels like an amazing opportunity to get more in tune with my body, to practice surrender of my fixed ideas, to trust and do the things I can do and leave the rest alone. Life can get even more mystical! I'll take it.
So there's your weekend food for thought!
And some amazing books to check out, should you enjoy reading wise words as much as I do:
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron (Yes, the name says it all)
Ask and It Is Given by Abraham-Hicks (some good exercises to shift your thinking if it's genuinely stuck in the negative)
Anything by Wayne Dyer. I love that man.
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Just like your image above, I sense that the sunshine is slowly breaking away the clouds. Thank you for reminding me that it is okay to talk about your feelings because those who love us most really do care to hear what you feel and say.
ReplyDeleteMay 'your neighborhood' be filled with sunbeams this weekend and beyond.
this was a timely read for me. here's to deep breaths and always reaching out. xoxo
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