33 weeks and 5 days. That's just about 8.5 months. Due basically in 6 weeks, which could mean 3 (please, Baby, stay in longer than 3) and could mean 8. Sky is out of town this week, and I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say this could be my last week alone in my house for.....10 years? We want to have more than one child, and yes, Daddy might take kids away for a few days, but a whole week? It really could be a while. So much is feeling like Lasts these days. Mind you, I have a lot of time alone in my house during the day. I guess the biggest difference is it's only me deciding what I want to do in the evenings, be it watching Coco Before Chanel instead of Anderson Cooper, meditating or reading in bed instead of hanging out on the couch or cleaning up, seeing a movie on a Saturday night (Sky is a rare person who just doesn't really go to movies. And he married me...), or weirdly enough leaving my dishes out. I never go to bed with unwashed dishes in the sink, but somehow knowing no one else is adding to my pile I confess I've left a couple sitting there for a day, as well as papers lying around the house, and it's been, well, very relaxing. I know--exciting stuff. These are not the days of hubby goes away and I party with the girls. I am slowing way down.
And, as always, I love my time to watch my belly move around and to imagine the hummingbird who was 4 lb 10oz on Monday, so might be approaching 5 lbs by now. Some thoughts I've had about the babe of late:
WHO ARE YOU?
As I put onesies in drawers and coo over prefold diapers and stare at the picture from the ultrasound on Monday that shows these adorable little lips all puckered out (my belly was measuring a tiny bit small so the ultrasound was to make sure Baby isn't small---and nope-- not small just low), I'm simultaneously aware that this is the cutest most lovable little munchkin I'll have ever seen, AND it's a full-on soul come to this planet with a mission. Not a baby at all in its spirit. That's my belief, anyway--that a soul up there wanted to come to Earth now and chose me as the vessel to arrive through. Whoa. It's a big deal. I'll be raising someone and witnessing someone at the same time.
We don't know if it's a boy or a girl. I know that since the beginning I've only felt one way about this baby, AND I know I could be completely wrong. I'll be so surprised if it's not what I feel it is, but I also wouldn't put it past baby to be one who likes to surprise. Part of the not knowing, aside from wanting that moment of total surprise that I know I can't describe til after I have it, has been to not let myself start to make up much about the baby. The more I know the more I can try to predict. Not knowing, for me, leaves the canvas more wide open, and that's good for someone who's imagination can cross from active to overbearing.
We all hear there's never a perfect time to have a baby. There's too much work or not enough work; the house is too little or someone's still in school. There's that project or trip or thing that has to happen before the baby can arrive. For me, sure, there was some financial fear, and some projects coming up I wanted to be considered for that when I got pregnant I knew were out. There was that sense that I wanted to be a little more established (whatever that means--seems whatever level one is on there's always the next one to establish), have some more residual money coming in, have the Super Agent before I took a break. AND I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted a baby, so I figured it wasn't my job to create the timeline. The Universe usually does a better job of that than I can. As the arrival of the Bird gets closer, I am absolutely blown away by how provided for we are: the generosity of our friends and family, be it through gifts, or hand-me-downs, or time spent walking me through what we'll need. I am blown away by the surprise checks that arrive in the mail from a commercial spot I didn't realize was still running and another one that just started running in more places. Blown away by people's desire to help once the baby comes. I've always heard babies bring abundance, and I'm experiencing this as true. It's like we're willing to expand and the world expands with us. I've spent a lot of time saying Thank You lately: to all of these people who are showing up, to the baby for being in the right position and coming along so wonderfully, to my own body for doing things I can't fathom even as I sleep, and to the force up there that helps it all happen.
all photos found while browsing Pinterest--anyone know how to make them bigger?